"Prayers for Bobby" now available to watch on myLifetime.com

For anyone who saw my post on the Lifetime movie "Prayers for Bobby" but missed it or any of the encores over the last couple weeks, you can watch the full movie here:

http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/full-movies/prayers-for-bobby-coming-this-wed/video/6622754001

You can also download the full movie from iTunes. Based on the book Prayers for Bobby: A Mother's Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son, the first half of the movie deals with Bobby's coming out to his Christian family and especially the reaction of his devout mother, Mary Griffith, who is played by Sigourney Weaver. The second half deals with Mary coming to terms with Bobby's tragic suicide, her reconciling of her faith and her beliefs about homosexuality, and her journey to becoming a gay rights activist.

I hope that this movie will continue to be a powerful tool for us to engage and educate people about the consequences of religious bigotry, and I encourage everyone to pass this on to others who might benefit from watching it. Special thanks to Erica, one of the founders of the "Christians for Marriage Equality" group on Facebook for making sure that anyone who missed it knows that they can still watch it online.

Homosexuality, the animal kingdom, and same-sex marriage

A few weeks ago, I read an article about gay penguins at a zoo in Northern China that I thought was cute and meaningful. Apparently, the pair had been segregated from the colony for disturbing other couples during hatching time. They wanted to be parents so badly that they were trying to steal eggs from other couples by substituting them with rocks. Awww. /pat

After protests from zoo visitors, they were given a chance to act as foster parents and were found to be the best parents out of the lot:

In response, zookeepers gave the pair two eggs laid by an inexperienced first-time mother.

"We decided to give them two eggs from another couple whose hatching ability had been poor and they've turned out to be the best parents in the whole zoo," said one of the keepers.

"It's very encouraging and if this works out well we will try to arrange for them to become real parents themselves with artificial insemination."

In the wild, or at least as depicted in March of the Penguins,the conditions are so harsh for penguins when they are raising their offspring that sometimes the parents don't make it. I imagine that the orphans tend to get adopted by other couples of the group, most likely the ones who don't (or can't) have their own offspring. Same-sex penguin mates obviously can't have offspring with each other, but the urge to raise offspring is innate and strong. From an aspect of nature and survival, having as many offspring as possible make it to adulthood makes sense, and so it seems that there is a purpose to be found in having mates, who cannot have offspring with each other, adopt and care for other offspring whose parents cannot finish the work.

Researchers have known about the existence of homosexuality in the animal kingdom for decades. In recent years, we've had a scattering of news in popular media of homosexuality in the animal kingdom, including gay flamingos adopting and raising offspring to discussions about the sexual behaviors of some of our closest primate relatives, the bonobos. Several years ago, Central Park Zoo's gay penguins had sparked a debate on whether homosexuality in the animal kingdom could be extrapolated to humans:

Some scientists say homosexual behavior in animals is not necessarily about sex. Marlene Zuk, a professor of biology at UC Riverside and author of "Sexual Selections: What We Can and Can't Learn About Sex From Animals" (University of California Press, 2002), notes that scientists have speculated that homosexuality may have an evolutionary purpose, ensuring the survival of the species. By not producing their own offspring, homosexuals may help support or nurture their relatives' young. "That is a contribution to the gene pool," she said.

That being said, in regard to human parenting, research has shown that the children of same-sex parents fare just as well as opposite parents, and as Dr. Judith Stacey says at this end of the following video, recent studies have shown that same-sex parents are often more committed parents, because like any other infertile couple, there are no accidents... their parenting is deliberate. She also clarifies James Dobson's distortions on her research that children fare better in a home with a mother and a father. She was comparing biological married parents with divorced and single parents, and since no same-sex couples were in her study at all, that research cannot be used to imply that children fare better in a home with a mother and a father as opposed to same-sex parents.

When a child ends up in the foster care system in our country, most likely they are orphaned, taken away from unsuitable parents, or given up by parents who can't or won't care for them. What a gift it is for those children to be adopted by parents who very much want to love, cherish, and care for them, especially if they had suffered abuse, were orphaned, or have some condition that makes them less desirable for some parents. Thankfully, a judge in Florida acknowledged this and overturned their decades-long ban on gay adoption. I believe that all children deserve to be raised in a loving and stable home, and if possible, in a family that is protected by the legal status, protections, and responsibilities of marriage. Considering that thousands of children are being raised by same-sex couples, the fact that we would force any children to be raised "out of wedlock" by denying their parents the right to marry makes no sense to me.

This leads into some important questions. Should marriage be based on the split second union of a sperm and egg, or should it be based the foundation required for the 18 years of hard work afterward (love)? If we observe, think, reason, and reconsider our beliefs, just as Galileo did when he observed the heavens and concluded that the earth moves when the Bible tells us that it doesn't (Psalms 104:5), is it possible to reconcile our observations and our understanding of the world with our religious beliefs? Procreation isn't all about uniting a sperm and an egg. As we've seen, the work does not stop there. For those people who feel that this is about "nature," I think that by observing nature and the world around us, the evidence speaks for itself.

"Prayers for Bobby" will air on Lifetime on January 24th

As a mom, one thing I know with all my heart is that my love for my children is unconditional, and I think that most parents are driven by their desire to do what they think is best for their children. Sometimes parents don't realize that something they are doing is causing them undue emotional harm until it's too late. My friend Katie posted this preview of Prayers for Bobby, a Lifetime movie that will be aired on January 24th about Mary Griffith, a conservative Christian mother who loses her gay son to suicide, and I had to pass it along. It's based on the book Prayers for Bobby: A Mother's Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son,which actually contains excerpts from a 400-page diary he kept. I haven't seen a Sigourney Weaver movie in a while, but I've always been a fan, and this trailer made me cry. /sob

Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com

Too bad this movie didn't come out before the election. I hope that there are people out there who will watch this and reconsider their beliefs about sexual orientation. There is another movie that I recently moved to the top of my Netflix queue, For The Bible Tells Me So,which has gotten several honors, including a nomination for the Grand Jury prize at the Sundance Film Festival. It includes the story of Mary Lou Wallner, another mom who lost her lesbian daughter to suicide. Ironically, when I was searching for a trailer for For the Bible Tells Me So, I found this incredible piece of ignorance on YouTube, with comments from more ignorant, hateful people. What does Jesus Christ teach us about compassion? Apparently, some Christians don't seem to take the teachings of Jesus Christ all that seriously.

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
- Mahatma Gandhi

UPDATE 1/10/2009: Thanks, Katie, for passing this link on. Teens who come out to their parents and whose parents respond in any number of negative ways, are 8 times more like to try to commit suicide. They are also 6 times as vulnerable to severe depression and 3 times at risk of drug use. So please... be sure to share this information with everyone you know. Through education, compassion, and understanding, we can help save lives.

UPDATE 2/5/2009: If you missed it, you can now watch Prayers for Bobby online!

Message to a Prop 8 supporter

In a previous post, I mentioned that a fellow Facebooker messaged me about one of the posts I wrote in response to a Prop 8 supporter. The Prop 8 supporter's comments were typical: that homosexuality is a choice, that the definition of marriage has been the same for thousands of years, that marriage is only for procreation and that this is what Loving v. Virginia is about (?!), that same-sex marriage will threaten our survival and undermine our ability to carry on the "race of humans", and that we all have the same civil right, namely, we all have the right to marry a person of the opposite sex. (That last one always gets me... just like we all had the same civil right to marry 60 years ago: we all had the right to marry someone of our own race.)

/emote rolls her eyes

Anyway, she said that it was one of the best responses she'd ever read and encouraged me to send it to newspapers. :) I thought I'd share my message for anyone who is thinking of writing their own letters:

[Prop 8 Supporter],

Please read this: http://www.gfcbaltimore.org/GFC_VT_Mom.htm

Herein lies the problem. If you think that sexual orientation is something you can change, then that makes it difficult to argue that people should not be discriminated against for things they cannot change. I don't think you can change your sexual orientation and there is plenty of evidence that "therapy" doesn't work. You can decide to be celibate or marry someone of the opposite sex in order to fit in, but that doesn't change your sexual orientation. Not only that, you are depriving another human being the opportunity to marry with someone with whom they even have a fighting chance of having a fulfilling partnership with, which I don't think is fair. (I'm sure that is another discussion that we can have... how many people have been hurt by sham marriages with people trying to rid themselves of "homosexuality").

The right to marry the person of one's choice is still a choice. But it is not a choice like what to eat for lunch. It is the same type of choice that religion is. It is a spiritual choice. Your heart and mind chooses, and no force of will can change it (or at least it is very hard to change). If someone asked me if I could stop believing in God or whatever higher power I believe in, I would say no way. If someone asked a Protestant if they could be Catholic instead, they are probably going to say no, even if being Protestant was illegal. If someone asked me if I could choose someone other than my husband to be my life partner, my soulmate, I would say no way. If there was a law on the books that said I could not marry him, I would still be with him, even if it meant that I could not have the same recognition, protections, etc. that other couples do. Spirituality and sexual orientation are so coupled, that I don't see how the right to marry is not protected the same way that the freedom of religion is. If I am not sexually attracted to someone, I can't imagine how I can fall in love with them or have any kind of spiritual connection that comes with being in love with someone.

Also, the definition of marriage never meant to me (and many others) what it means to you. It always meant to me that I would be able to marry the person my heart and mind decided would be my life partner, and I hope that everyone has that right and that the families they form have the same legal status and protections the rest of us do. There should be no difference under the law. No religion has to recognize the unions they don't want to, and they don't now anyway, so why does it matter if 2% of the population can now marry each other in a civil contract? It's not going to change anything for the 98% of us, or cause us all to become gay. There will be no shortage of children to carry on the "race of humans". It's not going to threaten our survival. If you are arguing that it will, then that's ridiculous. And in fact, it's going to be much better for all of us, and those reasons have already been documented. Also, Mildred Loving (from Loving v. Virginia) made it clear that she wasn't fighting for the right of black people to marry white people. She wasn't a part of an immutable group of black people who could only fall in love with white people. People told her that she had the right to marry another black person, just not a white person. No, she and her husband were fighting for the right to marry the person their hearts and minds had already chosen. And this was her statement last year (which eloquently states the spirit of their court case and speaks of her stance on same-sex marriage):

"My generation was bitterly divided over something that should have been so clear and right. The majority believed that what the judge said, that it was God's plan to keep people apart, and that government should discriminate against people in love. But I have lived long enough now to see big changes. The older generation's fears and prejudices have given way, and today's young people realize that if someone loves someone, they have a right to marry.

"Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don’t think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the 'wrong kind of person' for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people’s civil rights.

"I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard’s and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight, seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That’s what Loving, and loving, are all about."